I’m glad you enjoyed it! & haha, I feel you.
Lol, thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!
Lol, aw man..I’m guessing delano is everyone’s least favorite character
C H R I S B R O W N:
Regardless of what is going on in my personal life, I still have a job to do. The media doesn’t give a damn about the fact that my world is literally crashing down all around me. I haven’t lay eyes on or even talk to Serenity in 5 days, the shit was beginning to get to me. No one gives a fuck about that though. The record company keeps calling, my manager keeps booking interviews and shit, while my days grow longer and fucking harder to deal with. I can’t even step foot into our condo because all it does is make me realize how much of a dumb ass I really am. Why do I fuck up the things that are actually going well in my life? I was so close to happiness with Serenity. I even had my new assistant start hitting up some of the best wedding planners around, just to see where Serenity and I were heading next. This shit isn’t easy, I think the only reason I’m dealing with it is because of my mother. She’s always been my rock and she holds me down through whatever. That’s more than I can say for anyone else though. Mijo and Austin won’t even come back over here like they usually do. They say they’re tired of me fucking things up with the coolest girls they’ve ever seen me with. Like, I’m doing this shit on purpose. I swear I’m not. But, I understand their view on it…I’m supposed to be a role model for Austin and I swear that nigga has more sense than I do at 15.
“Chris! Come down here! You have company!” My mother yelled from the bottom steps. I didn’t even hear the doorbell, nor did I hear anyone talking downstairs…but for some reason, I just knew it was Serenity. I jumped up out of bed, threw on a shirt and sped down the steps.
“Serenity, I’m so—” I said as I came around the corner into the kitchen, it wasn’t who I wished it was. My attitude quickly changed as my mom left the room to let us talk alone. Fuck.
“What’s up Tiff?” I asked her as I sat down at the kitchen table. She did the same and sat down in front of me, tears were already staining her cheeks. The fuck did I do to her now?
“Chris, I can’t take this any longer. I don’t want you to get hurt. I have to tell you before it gets out of hand, I’m not sure what they’ll do anymore,” she started rambling faster than I could comprehend.
“Whoa, wait..Tiff! Calm down, speak slowly…what are you talking about?” I asked her.
“The shooting at the club, the calls..the messages, everything…it’s all because of me. Chris before you get upset—” Too late.
“Man, what the fuck? Tiffany, why the fuck would you add this extra stress in my life? Do know what it’s caused me? I lost my fiance` from this shit! Why? Man, I don’t get you!” I said as I pushed away from the table. About to head back up stairs, she quickly caught my arm.
“Just listen for a minute! I’m sorry, okay? I was just upset and when I told Kevin everything that happened…so was he. He said he was just going to get his friends to scare you, rough you up a little bit…and at the time, it was satisfying because I was so angry with you. Now, it’s just all too much and I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I asked Kevin to call it off, I’m praying that he does but I just wanted to come over and tell you so if it doesn’t stop…you aren’t caught of guard. He promised, he promised he would put a stop to it though.” I looked at her like she was crazy. She is crazy. I just hope my daughter isn’t as crazy as she is. In 3 months, none of that will even matter. I’m debating on even telling my daughter who her mother is when she’s old enough to start questioning it.
“Man, fuck all of that. Those niggas can try me again if they want to, and I promise I’m going to jail…let your lil OKC nigga know that. Also, I’m calling up my assistant as soon as you leave to get this custody case going. I want you and Kevin to have the perfect little life without my joy, being my daughter…being your burden. I want full custody of her, and I know you don’t give a shit about her anyway…so let’s not make this court case a difficult one, alright?” She just shook her head, she understood…she understood everything well, and she knew I was far from playing or joking about this shit.
“Good, you can let yourself out,” I said as I made my way upstairs. I heard her sniffing as she made her way out the door. For the first time since she threw it at my feet, I took the ultrasound video off of the dresser and put it in the DVD player. It only took seconds before the room was filled with a heartbeat. My daughter’s heartbeat.
“I have no doubt that you’ll make a good father Chris,” my mother said as she walked into my room, sitting down beside me. She probably heard the whole conversation with Tiffany…the first time anyone besides Serenity knew that I wanted full custody of my child.
“You think I’m doing the right thing?” I asked her, looking up at her…she was smiling from ear to ear.
“I know you’re doing the right thing,” she said as she hugged me.
“I know so too,” The heartbeat grew louder and at one point, it even felt like it was the same rhythm as mine. Like, we became one. I felt so connected to her already. I know from this point on, I need to get my shit together so I can be the best father I’m capable of being…better than my father ever was.
S E R E N I T Y:
My weekend with Delano wasn’t one I expected. I told myself I was just going to sleep on the couch and do very minimum talking with him. My plan failed. I did sleep on the couch, but each night..I found him sleeping on the floor beside me, not wanting to sleep in his bed because he offered it to me. It was hard to stay so guarded around him, I found myself laughing with him one minute then having a deep conversation with him the next. He wasn’t the same person I met in Louisiana. He was so much better, in fact…he made me want to be better. He prayed before he went to bed, when he woke up, and over his food..he was able to quote scriptures from the bible that I didn’t even know existed. My mother was always the religious one in the family but I couldn’t stand her church…it was a building full of Christians but they all seemed to judge me for not being the same race as my mom when I walked in. Once I got old enough, my mom told me it was my decision on whether or not I wanted to go on Sundays…and I chose not to. Delano was able to persuade me to get dressed and go to a small church with him back in Richmond. One of his friends on the football team invited him a couple of months back and he said he never felt so much at home. I felt exactly what he was talking about too. The service was uplifting and after being prayed over…I felt stronger than I ever had. I shed so many tears by the end of service that I don’t think I was able to produce anymore. I just felt…washed clean of everything. Everything I’ve done wrong and everything someone has ever done wrong to me. I was completely free. Now I see how easy it was for Delano to change so quickly and remain the new man he has become.
“Are you coming to graduation?” Delano said as we walked back into his apartment. I came out of my heels and blazer at the door, I was so uncomfortable in that outfit.
“Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t miss Macki graduating for the world,” I told him as I sat down on the couch, he soon sat down beside me.
“You staying with your parents when you go down there?”
“Nah, I plan on going back to my condo in a few to pick up the rest of my things…including my purse with my credit cards. I should be able to rent a hotel or something. I can’t see myself living with my parents again, not even for a couple of days.”
“Why not just stay at my house for the few days you’re out in Louisiana? I mean, my dad wouldn’t mind and it’s a lot cheaper than a hotel room.”
“I’ll think about it, thanks though. I’m going to go change into something more comfortable then head to my condo. I should be back in like..an hour,” I said as I started to walk back to Delano’s bedroom to get my clothes out of the little drawer I was designated.
“Wait, I can’t come with you?” he asked as he caught up to me.
“I mean, you can, that’ll probably be a good idea…so you can help carry my things back to the car,” I teased him. I then went to the back and found a pair of leggings, my Jordan’s, and a simple shirt. I found my keys, picked up my phone, then waited for Delano to get dressed into something more comfortable.
“Oh my gosh, just find something to wear! It’s not that hard!” I joked after 10 minutes of waiting.
“Oh hush up man, I’m ready. Let’s go, ma,” he said as we made our way to my car.
About an hour later, we pulled up to the empty condo I once shared with the love of my life. As I unlocked the door, so many memories came rushing back at once. Everything so far was almost exactly how I left it. The glass from the Ciroc bottle on the kitchen floor was still there, it looked like he attempted to pick it up but quickly got distracted.
“Wow, what happened here?” Delano said as he followed me into the kitchen. My eyes were already stinging from the tears I did my best to hold back, so I couldn’t even turn around to face him, and explain. I walked away from him, and wandered into the office where I was caught off guard by the condition the office was in, I didn’t leave it this way. I looked around and noticed several pictures of Chris and I…shattered along the desk, pieces of glass lingering the floor. I found the watch I gave him for Christmas, on the floor, in the corner by another Ciroc bottle…this one was untouched, it hadn’t been opened. The effort I was giving into not crying, quickly failed as I dropped my head in my hands and silently cried to myself in the office chair.
“Yo, Ni-Ni…I apologize babygirl, you definitely don’t deserve this…any, of this,” Delano said as he came over to me, clearing glass off of the desk then sitting on top of it.
“I mean, I know I’m not one to talk but—” Delano was suddenly cut off by the sound of keys jingling, unlocking the front door.
“Serenity!?” he called from the living room, he knew I was here…obviously my car and license plate gave it away. He called my name multiple more times before he finally emerged into the office. Delano became stiff, shoving his hands into his pockets as Chris came near us.
“I’m just going to pretend like I don’t see this nigga in my house right now,” Chris said as he moved around Delano and stood in front of me.
“But I am here, get over yourself nigga,” Delano said. To avoid the situation escalating, I hopped up from my seat and stood in between them.
“Man, whatever…Ni-Ni I’m glad you’re here baby, can we go talk outside…on the balcony?” Chris said as he held my hand, trying to lock his fingers between mine. I quickly let go of it and marched my way to the bedroom, to pack my things. I found another suitcase of mine and began throwing my clothes and shoes in it.
“Serenity, please…I’m begging you. I just want to talk,” he said again as he opened the door to the balcony of what use to be “our” bedroom. My mind told me not to go out there, but my heart lead my feet to the door.
“Okay, I’ll start. First of all, I sincerely apologize ma. Words can’t express how sorry I am. I never meant to put my hands on you or hurt you the way that I did, you know it never would have come to that if I was in the right state of mind…not under the influence. I learned that over and over in anger management classes, and then over again at the recent Triple A meeting I went ahead and attended…”A stands for Alcohol, A also stands for being Aggressive when under the influence.” I know the slogan, I know it all too well. I let the stress of the situation with those niggas fucking with me, get to me…it got the best of me, I won’t lie. I guess that’s what Tiffany wanted when she arranged it all—”
“Whoa, you mean to tell me Tiffany is responsible for the shooting at the club…all the harrassing phone calls and text messages?” I asked him while he was in mid-sentence.
“Yeah, she came over not too long ago and told me. That’s no excuse for how I treated you though. I know I don’t deserve to have you back, at least not right now but I can assure you that my momma got me in training, getting me ready for the day when I make somebody happy,” I couldn’t help but smile at the way he quoted his own lyrics from a song way back in his earlier years, my favorite years as a fan.
“Wow, I’ve missed your smile,” he continued. “I know I almost took all of it, but I hope you find your joy with Delano or whoever else you decide to replace me with ma.”
“Chris, regardless of what’s happened….no one can ever take your place. I love you, so much…and I probably always will. Right now, I just need to get myself together and focus on making myself happy for once. Who knows what the future holds for us but as of now, what we have is shattered…just like the picture frames in the office. There are so many pieces to pick up and put back together that, there’s no clear starting place to make progress from yet. I don’t think asking to be friends is too much of a stretch but if that will only make this harder for you to deal with then, I understand,” I told him as tears began to escape their way down my face again. I have no words to express how bad I’m hurting. I don’t think he realizes it either.
“No, being friends isn’t a stretch at all. I’d rather have you in my life as a friend instead of nothing at all. As much as I wanted this to work, things from my past continued to haunt me and get in the way and for that, I really am sorry Serenity. I’m going to work on me, I promise…and maybe one day I’ll be the man you need, without all the baggage and shit I brought to our relationship. I love you baby girl, I’m always here if you ever need anything.” He wrapped me in his arms and planted a kiss on my lips. I didn’t want this moment to end but I knew it had to.
“Come on, tell ya boy the coast is clear and he can help you pack. I need to head to this meeting with my management team for this tour. Take care though ma,” he said as he hugged me once again before leaving. I watched my best friend walk right out of the door. Chris is the first guy I can truly say I fell in love with. Despite the bumps in the road, he taught me how to love…especially how to love myself. Saying goodbye is killing me.
writing is safer, somehow
because my pen cannot stutter like my lips do,
and words get stuck in throats,
not fingertips, can’t stumble
on paper trails of blue lines
because writing is definite and clear
and no one can tell if i am crying
through written words alone
lmao, I’m coming! had to write half the whole chapter over because it didn’t transfer from my usb thingy -_-