As I Am

come on it has been a whole week

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 02:18:40 -0400

I know, I know. I’se coming!

Go Read My Fan Fiction. Its Called areyouthatsomebodyff. Let Me Know What You Think About It.

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:32:14 -0400

HEY GUYSSSSSSSSSSSS, CHECK OUT THIS FIC FOR MEEEEEEEE! & I’ll definitely be reading & letting you know what i think! (:

when are you updating.i need that fix

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 09:04:23 -0400

Sooooon, very soon.

this is what we been waiting for ! that love <3

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 09:02:04 -0400

Lol, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

you dont know how happy you made me

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 19:02:50 -0400

Haha, well I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading.

But I have a bad feeling rih is going to fuck up everything

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 09:05:09 -0400

;) don’t we all haha

Now watch somebody tell rih gave chris head

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 09:03:18 -0400

;) thanks for reading!

Man they are fucking adorable

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 09:02:39 -0400

:) thanks for reading!

Can I have a updated chapter list please ?

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 20:17:53 -0400

I’m trying to update it now, computer isn’t working with me tho. =/ gimme un momentoooo.

Chapter 32: Visitors

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 19:05:09 -0400

C H R I S:

It seemed like the hallway got longer and longer as I took the trip down to her room. It wasn’t hard to find but I purposely kept avoiding the door. I paced the floor, back and fourth…trying to plan out what I would say…trying to think of what her possible responses would be. She knew I was here, she came here for a reason…why? I pray it’s not to fuck up my life anymore than it already is. I swear, I don’t need anymore stress added to what I’m already dealing with. Maybe I shouldn’t do this then, maybe I should just walk away and pretend like she no longer exists. If I could, I would. I’d march right back into my room and pretend like Mijo never even told me she was here.

“Ch-Ch-Chris, is that you?” someone asked as they opened the door, while I walked past to head back to my room. Shit. I knew it wasn’t Rih by her voice but I didn’t know who this chick at the door was either.

“It’s Mel…you don’t remember me? Damn, I know it’s been a minute but I’ve never thought of myself as the type to be easily forgotten,” she said as I walked to where she stood, so we were face to face.

“Oh yeah Mel, I remember you now. How you been?” I could really care less but, to be polite…I asked anyway.

“I’m good, thanks for asking. What brings you here though?”

“Uhm, I need to talk to Rih…where she at?”

“She’s in the bathroom, you can wait for her in here. I’m about to run to the coffee shop downstairs, you want anything?”

“Nah ma, I’m good…thanks anyway,” I told her as she let me into the room, then disappeared down the hall. I heard the showerhead going as I sat down in a chair at the breakfast bar, spinning the little bottle of Vodka around in my hand. My nerves almost got the best of me as I heard her end the shower, I thought about downing the whole bottle of Vodka to ease my nerves but, somehow…I was capable of refusing it. My palms got sweaty as I heard her humming “Umbrella,” to herself…while I watched her bare silhouette, as she put lotion on her legs. I jerked my head in the opposite direction, I can’t do this. I quickly got up and headed for the door.

“Chris?” she said as she emerged from the bathroom, interrupting me from escaping. I slowly turned around, praying she was fully clothed. She wore a black pair of shorts with a small ass bra, her hair was tied up and she had on socks…like she was getting ready for bed at 1:00 pm.

“Oh, hey Rih. That girl….uhm….Mel, she let me in not too long ago,” I said as I wiped my hands on my pants and pulled my hat further down over my eyes.

“Oh okay, it’s fine. Have a seat, what brings you by?” she asked as she motioned for me too sit down beside her on the couch.

“Nah, I’d rather stand but uh…look, we have to talk,” I told her as I began pacing the floor again.

“Okay, about what?” she asked, like she was confused…how could she be confused, she knows exactly what we need to talk about.

“Well for starters…you’re here, the same time I’m here…three doors down from my room, how on Earth could this possibly be a coincidence?” She bit her lip as she thought of a lie, something she always did when she was either nervous or I knew damn well, she was about to part her lips to speak everything but the truth.

“Don’t even answer that. Look Rih, what is it that you want from me? You came all the way out here for something, what is it?”

“I-I-I honestly don’t know Chris. I don’t know what I want. I know I still love you, my heart tells me that on a daily basis with the way it aches and throbs from just the thought of you or simply hearing your name. I don’t know where I thought this would get me but I knew I at least had to try, being that you’re single now and all.” She got up from the couch and started walking towards me, I backed up from her until she had backed me completely into a corner.

“Rih, you can’t keep doi—” before I could finish my sentence, she had her hands on my pants, unzipping them and tugging at my boxers. She got down on her knees and continued to pull at me.

“Robyn, stop! Get the fuck up!” I tried gently pulling her up by the arm, but she wouldn’t budge, she had finally managed to pull my member out of my boxers.

“Shhh, just go with this…for once, in your life Chris,” she whispered while she looked up at me with those big, hazel eyes. She began to stroke me and I could no longer remember what I came here for. I looked down to see her jaw locked around me and it was like nothing I ever felt before, but I knew it was wrong, I knew I had to put a stop to it…I just didn’t know how. After she was done, she pulled me over to her bed, throwing me down and straddling me. She took off her shirt as she trailed kisses from the nape of my neck to my chest.

“I’ve missed you, so much” she whispered in my ear before biting my lobe. Suddenly, a knock at the door interrupted her from making any other moves and I was thankful because it gave me time to reprocess this shit and get myself together.

“I’m not going to answer it, Mel will get the hint and leave sooner or later,” she said as she tried to push me back down on the bed from where I had sat up. I finally just snapped and picked her up off of me, setting her down on the bed.

“No, this is a mistake! I don’t know else to make you understand but I don’t love you like I use to! I’ll always be your friend and I’m always here for you but this can’t happen anymore, it just can’t. I’m sorry that I can’t love you the way you love me but I can guarantee you that there’s someone out there that does deserve the love you keep wasting on me,” I told her as I put myself back together, straightening out my clothes. As I finished, I looked over at her and noticed tears threatened to escape her eyes, all because of me. I just walked over to her, pecking her forehead before making my way to the door. As I walked out of her room, I saw Mel sitting on the floor with a big ass grin on her face. She was about to say something but I waved her off, signaling I didn’t want to hear her slick ass comments.

“What the hell happened? You been over there for some shit,” Mijo said as I walked back into my room. I just ignored him as I got my clothes and headed for the bathroom. I hopped in the shower and the steam from the water instantly calmed me down. I don’t know why I let these females get me caught up. I know I’m single and any other nigga in that position would have gladly taken what Rih was throwing. I didn’t want it though, at least not from her ass.

About twenty more minutes passed before Red was knocking at the door, claiming he had to shit. For his sake, I ended my shower when I possibly could have continued for another thirty minutes. I quickly put on my clothes, a simple pair of Levi’s with the Last Kings shirt my bro’ gave me for my birthday. I brushed my teeth and hair, putting on my Rolex and my chain. Once I was done, I finally stepped out of the bathroom.

“Move out my way nigga, taking all damn day,” Red said as he pushed past me and ran into the bathroom, I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Yo Breezy, what you getting into today?” Big Pat asked as I sat down at the table, grabbing a banana from the basket.

“Not a damn thing, not trying to risk bumping back into her crazy ass.” I winced as I repeated the scene back in my head. I came so close to doing something I knew I’d regret minutes after I did it.

“You trying to roll with me to get something to eat then? The girl I met at the club tryna’ meet us at the lil cafe down the street.” he said as he kept his head down, focused on his phone.

“Nah, I’m goo-” As soon as I was about to decline, my stomach started gurgling and making all types of noises, I just knew Mijo had to hear it all the way in the back of the room. “Actually, I think I might have to step out with you for a minute dawg,” I told him as I threw the rest of that nasty ass banana in the trash, it wasn’t satisfying my hunger anyway. I then got up to go get my phone off of the charger, and my wallet with all of my important shit in it.

“Where yall niggas going? I’m coming too!” Mijo said as he stepped all on the bed, trying to beat me to the door. I pulled him back by the hood on his sweater.

“Hell nah, stay here with Red punk ass and order room service,” I wasn’t in the mood for him clowning around and asking questions, and especially disturbing Big Pat while he tried to put the mack down on his chick.

“Don’t mind if I do, nigga,” he said as he flopped back down on the bed, picking up the hotel phone. I just shook my head as I followed Big Pat out of the room.

“Where Steve and Sev at?” I asked as we got into the truck with the driver Sevyn arranged us to have for the rest of our time out here.

“She said something about having other “business” to handle. She probably just trying to avoid Mijo ugly ass. And Steve still with his lil breezy from last night.” I laughed as I thought about how hype Steve is going to be when he gets back to the hotel, he finally got some ass. I’m glad my niggas are enjoying themselves out here, that’s far from what I’m doing though, especially with Rih’s ass 3 doors down.

———————————————-

S E R E N I T Y: 2 days later

I called Big Pat and told him my plans. Once he got over the fact that he was hearing from me again, he directed me to some girl by the name of Sevyn. I knew about her but she was always so behind the scenes with everything, so we never really got the chance to meet or anything. She’s really nice though and she made this whole thing a lot easier than I thought it would be. I had a private jet waiting for me early this morning, that took me all the way to France with no problems. My room was set up once I got here not too long ago. Although Sevyn had taken care of everything, it still didn’t keep me from thinking I was making a mistake. However, after texting Big Pat back and forth, he helped me realize that I was doing what my heart told me was necessary and that for once, my brain wasn’t being the logical one.

—

After I stepped out of the shower the next morning, I pulled out my outfit for today’s activities. It’s rather hot in France but not as humid as it is back home. I decided on a pair of floral leggings, a simple v-neck and blazer, with a scarf. I threw on my black pumps and was finally satisfied when I looked in the mirror. I then pulled my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head and accentuated my eyes with a little mascara and eye shadow. I then colored my lips in with a soft pick shade.I finished off the look with the diamond earrings he gave me as a graduation gift with the “his and hers Rolex” watches that Wiz and Amber gave us a while back.

As I was checking myself out in the mirror, the hotel phone rang and I jumped over the bed to answer it before I missed the call.

“Hello?” I said as I sprayed on a little of my favorite perfume.

“Hey babygirl, you ready?” Big Pat asked.

“Yeah, I’m ready. Does he know?”

“Nah, he doesn’t have a clue…everyone helped keep it a secret. But look, we here at the art gallery, he whined like a big ass baby the whole way over here, he don’t want to do anything but sit in his damn room now.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it Pat. Sevyn just text me though, my driver is outside. I’ll see you in a few,” I told him before I hung up. I then grabbed my purse and my iPhone off of the charger before heading out of the door. I jumped on the elevator and as the doors began to close, I saw Mijo coming from a some girl’s room who had long, blonde and brown hair. I couldn’t be who I thought it was. I put my foot between the doors to keep them from closing. As I emerged back into the hallway, Mijo and I instantly laid eyes on each other…he looked like he had seen a ghost by the way he was looking back at me.

“Serenity? Wow, you look gorgeous, ma. What the hell you doing all the way out here though?” he asked as he ran to me, picking me up in his embrace. I just kept my eyes on the door he came out of.

“Thanks, and you can probably guess why I’m here, don’t tell your boy though. But uhm…was that who I think it is?” I asked as I pointed to her door.

“Yeah ma, but you have nothing to worry about. He and I both got her straight. Where you headed to?”

“Oh…okay. I’m headed to the art gallery.” I looked down at my watch to see I was running late. “and I’m late, I’ll see you later Mijo,” I said as I hugged him again then hopped back onto the empty elevator.

I practically ran to the car I was assigned and gave him the directions Sevyn gave me. Thankful for my participation in The National Honor Society for French and Spanish in high school, I was able to speak his language fluently and he easily understood.

—

About twenty minutes later we approached the building and I instantly got nervous as I text Pat, telling him I was here. I got out of the car and had to fight my way through the French paparazzi that obviously knew he was here. As I walked into the gallery and gave the clerk my name, she told me where the rest of my party was. I began to scan the gallery for them but I only heard their voices. I followed their voices until I managed to spot a head of blonde curls in a separate room. I took a deep breath and entered, the sound of my pumps hitting the marble floors, echoing through out the room. Sevyn and Big Pat turned around while he just sat on a bench, analyzing a rather sad and depressing painting.

“Welcome to Paris, France Serenity,” Sevyn said as she walked towards me, hugging me. He just straightened up in his seat.

“That shit isn’t funny Sev,” he said as he slowly and hesitantly turned around. Once our eyes met, his instantly got bigger from the surprise, while my eyes welled up with tears. It’s been a solid month since I’ve laid eyes on him in person.

“Me and Sevyn ain’t go through all of this trouble for yall to just look at each other,” Big Pat said. He was right. I walked around the bench and stood in front of Chris, as he slowly stood up. He smiled at me, looking me over, as if he couldn’t believe I was actually here.

“Now, you not going to disappear into thin air, right before my eyes…are you?” he asked as he was about to touch my hand but hesitated. I shook my head as I walked closer to him, wiping the tears that were pooled under his eyes, I don’t even think he knew they were there.

“Serenity, I-I-I’m so glad you’re here ma. I’ve missed you so much. I know you thought I was going to forget about you once I got out here but I didn’t. I—”

“I love you too,” I said as I cut off his rambling, placing a finger over his lips. He pushed a stray piece of hair from my bang, behind my ear. I instantly dropped my head as I felt myself blushing like this was my first time ever meeting him all over again. He then lifted my head up with a single finger under my chin. He bent his 6’3 stature down to my 5’7, so we were at the same eye level. He then smashed his lips against mine. At that moment, I felt complete. I felt all the pieces of the puzzle finally being found and put back in place. I felt my heart attaching itself back together as the missing piece had finally been added. I felt whole.

—————————

C H R I S:

My world was turned upside down before I saw her. As soon as I touched her, it flipped back to it’s upright position. My world wasn’t spinning before I saw her. It felt like I was living the same dreary ass day over and over again. As soon as I kissed her and held her in my arms, it started spinning again and the rain cloud above my head finally disappeared. I felt whole. I felt like the picture to this puzzle had finally become clear because I found the missing piece. I felt my heart beating again because without her, it stopped. I felt…complete.

WOOT WOOT! WOOT WOOT! NEW CHAPTERS IN THIS THANG!!

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 17:40:27 -0400

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

YOU GUYS HAVE WAITED SO PATIENTLY, YOU ALL DESERVE A NEW CHAPTER (OR TWO) TONIGHT...SO, GET READDDYYYY!

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 16:43:29 -0400

btw, this is my last week of school so you all can EXPECT me to update more often. (:

This little talk between them need to be short and simple. Rih is not about to ruin his chances with Serenity. Nope not gon happen.

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 07:56:24 -0400

I feel you.

ooh this gon be good ! grabs popcorn

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 07:56:00 -0400

;)

Your driving me crazy😳😳😳😳

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 23:57:12 -0400

I’m sorrrryyyyy lol

I hope serenity and chris get back together he deserves a second chance

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 23:57:02 -0400

;)

I'm surprised macki them didn't want to kill chris lol

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 23:56:55 -0400

Lol, thanks for reading!

Man some shit is about to happen I just know it

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 23:56:34 -0400

;)

Now watch rih gone kiss him and sarinidy gone walk in

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 23:56:23 -0400

Lol if you say so ;)

Chapter 31: Unexpected

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 11:00:06 -0400

S E R E N I T Y:

Being home in Louisiana these last few weeks have been everything I’ve needed and more. Ashley forgot to inform me that she moved out on her own as well, into a nice apartment downtown. I told her I was coming home and she instantly invited me to stay with her. Staying with Ashley still didn’t help me avoid the questions from my parents. “Where’s Chris? Are you guys still together? Did he hurt you?” I wasn’t going to give my dad the satisfaction of thinking his assumptions of Chris were right, because they weren’t. Chris isn’t a bad person, and that’s all I needed my dad to understand.

“Do you think you guys will ever get back together?” Macki asked as we lay across the floor, eating popcorn and watching movies.

“I don’t know, I can’t see the future. Now hush up and watch the movie,” I said as I threw popcorn at her.

“She knows what she needs to do. She needs to go ahead and carry that ass on up to Paris and get her man back,” Ashley stated loudly, turning off the movie I was clearly watching.

“That’s not going to happen. I’m telling you, once he gets to Paris…he’ll forget all about me.”

“I don’t think so. Have you heard the interview he did with the radio station in Virginia a couple of days ago?” Macki said as she raced to get her laptop and sat back down beside me.

“No, but what does that have to do with anything?”

“Ni-Ni, just shut up and listen…damn.” I did as I was told and listened as Chris’ voice filled the room. It almost gave me chills, it’s been a while since I’ve heard his voice, regardless of the CD I just bought. Being that we don’t talk on the phone, we just text each other on and off…I kind of forgot how…he sounded. I forgot how his voice use to be the only thing I ever looked forward to hearing after a long day at school or something. I can’t forget how bad I miss it though. :

“I’m glad to hear that. So Chris, are you in a relationship? I mean, I’ve seen you around with the cutest girl, she’s on your instagram and everything. Like, just keep it real with me right now homie.”

“Nah, I’m single but…someone has my heart at the moment. And yes, that someone is the girl you’ve seen in the pictures.”

“Well, why aren’t you guys together?”

“She’s going to school, my schedule is about to get crazy…she can probably find someone far better than I am anyway.”

Once the recording ended, I looked up to see Ashley and Macki eyes fixed directly on me. I didn’t know what to tell them, simply because I didn’t know what to think.

“Ni-Ni, it’s so damn obvious that he loves you girl. I still don’t understand what he did so bad…to make you forget how much you love him,” Ashley said. I still never told them exactly what Chris did. They believed the story I fed them that day, of how I was so intoxicated and somehow fell or hit myself, causing the swelling and bruising. I feel like they have a clue as to what really went down, they’re just waiting for me to tell them.

“The swelling…the bruises that night…were from him. I wasn’t drunk, he was. Now before you go thinking he’s the worst person in the world, don’t. It wasn’t until after the situation, that I found out what got him so angry. That still didn’t give him a right for doing what he did, but Chris isn’t capable of handling his anger very well while intoxicated. He’s getting help though, so don’t judge him, like I know you’re probably doing right now. I forgive him, that’s all that matters,” I told them as tears threatened to escape my eyes. I expected them to be upset and start questioning why I didn’t tell them sooner but…they didn’t, they just smiled at me as they pulled me into a group embrace.

“I suspected that much but you’re right…as long as you forgive him, nothing else matters. It would be different if you didn’t love him and he didn’t love you, or if you both weren’t obviously hurting from the separation. But, you are! Ni-Ni, I swear if I hear that damn Fortune CD one more time, I’m going to break it in half…and just think about the next time Chris does an interview. You can tell he’s hurting, it’s all in his voice…I’ve always remembered him being so upbeat, I don’t get that vibe from him anymore. Like Ashley said, you know what you need to do mama.” I just looked at Macki as she handed me a couple of tissues, my tears had finally escaped as I thought over her words. I just shook my head as I stood up from the floor and headed to the guest room, where I was staying.

“Where are you going?” They both asked at the same time.

“France, where else?” I don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t know what I should expect, but I know I at least have to try, for my sake.

………………………..

C H R I S :

The performance at the club last night, was insane. I didn’t expect so many people to come out but the club was packed from all four walls. I didn’t even know they had another line up besides me, Swizz Beats and Ludacris ended up rocking the show with me. Swizz and I performed our single in the making while Luda did his thing. I can honestly say, I enjoyed myself…without the use of any alcohol. I know Swizz and Luda probably thought I was going to be the life of the party and get the crowd all hyped up but, I was capable of doing that without being intoxicated. They offered bottle after bottle, and yet I still declined. The temptation of it all called my name but this time, I was strong enough to refuse.

____

“Aye Chris, wake yo’ blonde’ head ass up nigga,” a familiar voice said as they swung my feet off of the bed, causing me to hit the floor. I got up ready to box with this nigga but when I looked up, I saw Mijo and Kid Red standing over me, laughing their asses off.

“My niggas! When did yall get here?” I asked as I hopped up from the floor, dapping them up. I was glad Mijo finally came back around. Nothing felt the same with him and Austin being mad at me and not being around, or at my mom’s house all day and night. I’m glad those fools finally forgave me.

“Not too long ago, I know you won’t about to head out to Milan and not invite a nigga,” Red said as he sat down at the table, opening up the complimentary Champagne that’s been there, since I got here. I looked down at the clock beside my bed, it’s only 11 am. Whatever though, I wasn’t going to drink it.

“You been busy with yo’ own shit man, my bad though. Anyway, Mijo…where Sevyn at?” I asked as I began to look through my suitcases for something chill to wear today.

“Why would I know where the hell she is?” he asked as he helped himself to the food in the refrigerator, they haven’t been here for a good hour yet and already they running up my damn room bill.

“Nigga, we know! Stop acting like you didn’t hit that shit…more than once already!” Red said as he threw one of the oranges in the basket at Mijo, here they go fucking up the room now.

“Y’all don’t know shit, nosy asses.”

“Yeah whatever man, just don’t fuck up and break her heart…then she decide she don’t want to be my assistant anymore, she’s the best one I’ve had so far.”

“Man whatever, fuck yo’ franchise! Check this out though, you’ll never believe who’s here nigga, staying in the same hotel and everything, about three doors down.” I stopped raiding my suitcases and looked at Mijo.

“Who?”

“Robyn.” Red immediately spit out his champagne, choking on whatever was left. If I had been drinking anything, my reaction probably would have been the same.

“Rih? Are you serious? How’d you know?” I asked as I began to pace the floor.

“I saw her checking in, so I went over to her…I mean, just because you no longer fuck with her, doesn’t mean I have to. She told me she was staying here on “vacation” for like, two days. I asked her what room she was staying in. You’re in 203, she’s in 206.”

“Did she ask what you were here for?”

“Of course she did, as if she didn’t already know. My guess is, if you don’t go down there, she’s coming up here, pretty soon actually.” Fuck. This is not what I need right now. If it wasn’t for the club out in Milan, pushing the performance back a couple of days, I wouldn’t even be here right now to have to deal with this shit. She had to go snooping on my Instagram or Twitter, being that we don’t follow each other on either.

“Man, that bitch is psycho. I don’t see how you deal with it, I would’ve lost my mind by now,” Red said as he finished off the last bit of Champagne in his glass. I just shook my head as I headed for the door to go to her room, we had to get shit settled, and get it settled now.